I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
