We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
