pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
