I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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