it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
