you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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