Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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