He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
