I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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