My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
