I wish my penis had an off switch
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
