you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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