Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
