I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
