i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
