Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
