This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
