Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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