My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
