I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i now understand why vodka
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
