How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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