i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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