If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize