The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
