trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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