how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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