Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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