Where did you get a picture of my penis
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Randomize
