i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
