I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
