I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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