Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
