Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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