Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
