Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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