we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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