and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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