It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
