I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
