So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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