Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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