i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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