I didn't shave. On purpose
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
