she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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