i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
