My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
im on a boat
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