you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
