I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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