maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and she was petting her beer can
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
