I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
