Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
