So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
