i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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