I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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