At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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