So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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