this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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