in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my phone needs a breathalizer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
