Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
