at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need water and some morals
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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