the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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