my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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