True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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