I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
