i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
