Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
